


Warmth

by TheNightFury



Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Falling In Love, First Kiss, Getting Together, Hoth (Star Wars), Hurt and comfort, Idiots in Love, Implied Character Death, M/M, Mild Smut, Mutual Pining, Temporary Character Death, Totally inspired by fanart, author is hardcore projecting onto character, kalluzeb - Freeform, no regrets, thinking character has died
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-07
Updated: 2020-08-03
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:46:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25131862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheNightFury/pseuds/TheNightFury
Summary: Kallus had never imagined he could find a planet colder then Bahyrn. And then the Rebels went to Hoth, then Zeb left for nearly two weeks. Kallus had never been colder, all he wanted was his warmth back.
Relationships: Alexsandr Kallus/Garazeb "Zeb" Orrelios
Comments: 30
Kudos: 124





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sempaiko](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sempaiko/gifts).



> So this fic was completely and utterly inspired by this gorgeous art by Sempaiko https://kingdomheartsloversstuff.tumblr.com/post/622862899190415360/sempaiko-snowy-smiles-cant-stop-wont-stop  
> Seriously check it out it is gorgeous!

Kallus had thought that Bahryn was the worst place in the galaxy for any unfortunate soul to wind up on. Between the freezing temperatures and the monsters that lurked just beneath the surface it was a true hellhole, one Kallus would be more than happy to never have to see again.

Then the Rebels went to Hoth. 

If Kallus thought Bahryn was bad, Hoth was a thousand times _worse_. It was colder even during the day than Bahryn ever got, with far more frequent violent storms that were too cold for anything to traverse even with multiple thick layers and wampa’s that were so much more frightening than the beats on Bahryn. While on Bahryn Zeb’s own body heat was enough to keep him just warm enough to avoid freezing to death, on Hoth even Zeb had to bundle up to stay warm. There was a cold that had penetrated his bones the moment he stepped foot on the planet that he couldn’t seem to shake off no matter how many layers he wore or how close to heaters he sat. 

The leg that he had broken back on Bahryn was in almost near constant pain with an ache that pain meds couldn’t even alleviate, keeping him up most nights shivering and clutching his leg, trying to will warmth into his leg that didn’t exist anywhere on the entire planet.

All in all, Kallus hated Hoth with every fiber of his being and wished he could burn the base to the ground and move the Rebellion to a warmer planet. But no, he couldn’t. They needed to be somewhere the Empire would never think to look for them, and a basically inhabitable planet suited that need perfectly, as much as Kallus loathed that fact. 

Kallus spent most of his days, huddling in the intelligence division desperately trying to keep himself as warm as possible in the frozen base. How warm could one really get though when the very walls surrounding you are made of ice? If he were just a little less proud, Kallus would bring several blankets with him everywhere he went to try and stay warm as possible. When he wasn’t with the intelligence division, he was huddled in his quarters or on the Ghost when it was planetside which, much to Kallus’s dismay, was happening less and less often. 

He understood why, with how brutally the Empire was hunting down any and all rebels, any remaining pilots were being sent out on missions as often as possible, meaning that unfortunately for Kallus, the Ghost and subsequently Kallus’s only friend Zeb, was rarely on base. 

Though Hoth was freezing, when Zeb wasn’t around the planet felt even colder. Time became meaningless, Kallus falling into a miserable cycle of work, eat, sleep, and repeat. Nothing to break up the monotony of what he was doing or to remind him he wasn’t with the Empire anymore, there were friends and people who cared about him. He was doing good now. It was hard to blame everyone for being so down and miserable, on a relentless planet like Hoth, finding joy and warmth was painfully difficult. 

Though Zeb was gone fairly often, usually the missions were shorter ones that would bring Zeb back to Hoth for at least a day or two before being sent out again. This mission though was keeping the Ghost and her crew away for well over two weeks now and the distance was affecting Kallus far more than he imagined it ever could. He missed Zeb and the warmth he seemed to carry with him everywhere he went. 

He was joy and warmth and hope for Kallus, when he was gone everything felt more unforgiving, cold and hopeless. And Kallus would be lying if he said it wasn’t starting to have an impact on him. With a heavy sigh, Kallus leaned back in his chair, rubbing his bad leg, trying to bring some warmth back to the aching limb with little success. He shouldn’t be surprised, he really couldn’t recall the last time he truly felt warm. 

His shift had ended nearly two hours ago, but with little else to do with his time, Kallus found himself working well into the night, often neglecting basic needs to try and fill in the gaping Lasat shaped hole in his heart. 

Kallus had known for a long time he was in love with Zeb, looking back he realized he probably fell in love somewhere on Bahryn, though at first he refused to believe it. He knew this, but he also knew he could never be with Zeb, not after all he had done not only to Zeb and his family, but to his people as well. He had no right to even consider himself Zeb’s friend much less anything more. 

He didn’t deserve it.

But he wanted it. He wanted Zeb so much it ached.

He could never be with him though. So Kallus vowed to treasure every moment Zeb allowed him to consider Zeb his friend. It was so hard to not reach out and kiss Zeb breathless and to confess the overwhelming feelings of adoration he felt for the Lasat who risked everything to save him from himself. 

With a frustrated groan, Kallus stood up from his desk, realizing he would not be getting any work done between his aching leg and thoughts that seemed to always drift back over to a certain Lasat who was painfully far away from him. Sitting alone in his empty quarters did not sound appealing at all to Kallus, so instead he decided to walk around the base to try and help loosen his stiff leg. 

Kallus wandered aimlessly through the base, no real destination in mind, his only goal to try and escape his near constant worry and swirling thoughts. Even if he wasn’t limping and could actually run, he knew he wouldn’t be able to escape his own mind, as much as he wished he could. Eventually, Kallus found himself accidentally wandering towards where the new tunnels where being excavated and had to quickly turn around and come back the way he came, not interested in the slightest in getting trapped in a caved in tunnel, something that happened far to often to unfortunate rebels who happened to walk through a construction zone at the exact wrong time.

A small smirk spread across Kallus’s face as he walked away, thinking about how he wouldn’t mind being trapped if he was with Zeb. If they were trapped in a caved in tunnel no one would expect them to work or do anything. If they were trapped together, Kallus could finally spend some uninterrupted time with Zeb, something he could never get enough of and was always in painfully short supply.

Everything was better when Zeb was around.

No one paid Kallus any mind as he limped through the base which suited him just fine. At first the rebels were constantly eyeing him wearily, distrust in their eyes, waiting for him to reveal his true colors. Over time the distrust and weariness faded and he wasn’t constantly feeling like the other Rebels were repeatedly mentally stabbing him every chance they got. None of the rebels were exactly friendly with him, but Kallus could live with that. Kallus didn’t care about them, there was only one Rebel’s opinion that he cared about. 

Without realizing it, Kallus was making his way back through the intelligence department and was wandering by an open door to an intense conversation. 

“-heard from the Ghost?” Draven’s voice was saying, Kallus freezing at the mention of the ship where Zeb was currently residing. 

“We haven’t been able to reach them,” another Rebel was saying. 

“The Ghost is in trouble?” Kallus asked, heart freezing in his chest at the thought of Zeb being captured or worse. 

“We don’t know,” The rebel Kallus did not recognize said. “We-”

“It is none of your concern Kallus,” Dravan snapped, cutting him off. 

“But-”

“Everyone on base is aware of your...infatuation with Spectre four,” Draven said, disgust dripping from his voice, Kallus’s cheeks burning with both rage and embarrassment. Was he that terrible at hiding his crush? “But you are not involved in this mission, you have your own work to focus on. If you are needed, we will let you know.”

“But if the Ghost is in danger-” Kallus began, refusing to back down, not when it involved Zeb. 

“We cannot risk more resources and lives to help,” Draven snapped. “It’s not worth it.” 

“Not worth it?” Kallus echoed, expression hardening. “I thought you Rebels did whatever it took to save your own? Is that not what makes you better than the Empire? The fact that you care? That you help those in need and damn the consequences-”

“The time for those reckless missions have passed,” Draven said. “With the Empire becoming more and more ruthless in hunting us down we must preserve what we have-”

“Doing that will cause you to lose the loyalty of every soldier who risked everything to betray the Empire and help our cause!” Kallus declared. “We cannot nor should we ever abandon anyone now more than ever. Our hope and loyalties are being tested every day. If we betray our people, if we treat them like the Empire would...why bother fighting? If we lose our people, we lose any hope of winning.” Draven tiredly eyed him as he said, 

“You’re beginning to sound more and more like your friends.”

“You’re beginning to sound more and more like the Empire,” Kallus rethored, rage flashing across Dravens face at his words. Good. Behind him, the poor intelligence officer was looking between Kallus and Draven, terror written across her face, torn between wanting to interrupt them and just running away as fast as possible. She could run, but he wouldn’t. Zeb mattered too much

“You’re out of line,” Draven growled. 

“Am I?” Kallus challenged, “Or is it you who's out of line?” 

“Insubordination!” 

“Funny, the Empire said challenging what was wrong was cause for treason,” Kallus icily said. 

“I will not-” 

“There is an incoming transmission from the Ghost!” The officer exclaimed, catching both Kallus and Draven’s attention. 

“What?” They simultaneously exclaimed. 

“The Ghost has taken some pretty major damage but is en route to Hoth now. They should be landing soon….the General said to be prepared for a messy landing.”

“Is anyone hurt?” Kallus asked in the same breath that Draven snapped,

“Where they followed?” Both Draven and Kallus turning towards each other to glaring daggers at one another. 

“...they didn’t say,” The tech said in a small voice, Kallus scoffing in annoyance before taking off down the hallway, ignoring Draven’s enraged shouting,

“We’re not finished here!”

“I am,” Kallus grumbled under his breath as he tore through the base, anyone unfortunate enough to be on the same path as him having to dive out of the way out of fear of being bowled over. As Kallus left the only slightly warmer sanctuary of the base out into the freezing air, Kallus could just glimpse the Ghost closing onto the base, a terrifying amount of smoke coming from the ship as it more crashed onto the ground then landed. If the ship had crashed like that with Hera piloting it, he couldn’t even begin to imagine how bad of shape the ship must be in. 

Terrifying thoughts of Zeb injured, dying or even dead flashed through his mind as the ramp slowly lowered, the few remaining members of the ship's crew stumbled out. First Chopper rolled out, angrily beeping something about bad intel and stupid organics not being more careful followed closely by Rex who saw saying, 

“It’s getting harder and harder to guess what the Empire’s going to do these days you bucket of bolts!”

“Chopper!” Hera snapped from the top of the ramp. “Where do you think you’re going? In case you didn’t notice, we have a lot of repairs to do here!” Kallus didn’t even hear Choppers response as Zeb, whole, alive and seemingly completely uninjured walked down the ramp onto the cold ice, wincing slightly as his feet touched the snow. 

“Zeb!” Kallus cried, tears of relief threatening to spill over but he furiously held them back. He didn’t need the awkward questions that would come from Zeb seeing him cry. He was just relieved to see him alive and completely unharmed. 

“Hey Kallus!” Zeb said, eagerly waving back at him, a wide grin on his face. Kallus wasn’t thinking, because if he was he would not under any circumstances have raced towards Zeb who froze for a moment before running over to meet him, nor would he have thrown himself into Zeb’s arms with such force as to topple them both onto the snow, Zeb landing hard on his back, but still seemingly instinctively wrapping his arms around Kallus to keep him from hitting the snow, a rush of pure affection filling Kallus at the gesture. 

He truly was the most selfless being in the galaxy. One that somehow the universe itself thought Kallus was worthy of knowing, worthy of being called his friend despite everything. One who managed to make him fall in love with a little more every day with such simple gestures. 

“H-hey,” Zeb a little breathlessly said from the ground. 

“Sorry about that,” Kallus said, swallowing thickly, noting the fact that Zeb was not making any move to stand up or even push Kallus away. 

“Excited to see me?” Zeb teasingly said, Kallus hyper aware of Zeb’s arms wrapped around his waist. 

“Relieved,” Kallus admitted, several strands of hair falling in front of his face, Kallus making no move to push them away, not wanting to pull away from Zeb for even a moment, his hands tightly gripping Zeb’s shoulders.. “I was terrified something happened to you.”

“Hey, it takes a lot more than a Star Destroyer-”

“A star destroyer!” Kallus cried, eyes wide with horror. 

“-to take us out,” Zeb continued as if Kallus hadn’t interrupted him, his cocky sirk melting away into something almost tender. “I’m sorry I scared ya…”

“I-I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you,” Kallus croaked, desperately trying to get his raging emotions under control again. He knew he needed to stop talking or Zeb would know and it would ruin everything that they had but he also couldn’t get himself to stop. “You just- you mean so much to me and y-you’ve done so much for me, more than I really ever deserved and if something happened to you and I wasn’t there to help I-I-” Kallus’s ramblings halted when he registered how Zeb was looking at him; not with disgust or anger. Not even with contempt or boredom but adoration. 

Pure unashamed adoration and...affection? 

Why was Zeb looking at him like that? Surely he couldn’t feel the same for Kallus that he felt for Zeb...right? Not after all the pain and suffering he’d caused, not after the abhorrent things he’d looked the other way for. He didn’t deserve such affection. Yet their Zeb was, laying in the snow beneath him, looking at him like he meant as much to Zeb as Zeb did to Kallus. 

Zeb reached up to tenderly brush the hair that had fallen off of his face, freezing as he realized what he was doing. Before Zeb could pull away, Kallus gently placed his hand on top of his, placing it against his cheek as he tenderly smiled down at Zeb, trying to convey with looks alone how much he loved Zeb. Was this a mistake? Possibly, but looking down at Zeb, the man he loved with every fiber of his being, loved so much at times it physically hurt he couldn’t keep it hidden away anymore. Not with Zeb also looking up at him with such unashamed affection. 

Not when he almost lost him.

Not when they were fighting a war and had no promise of tomorrow. 

Kallus wasn’t sure who leaned in first, but all he knew was that both were moving in closer and closer until their lips just barely brushed against each others, both freezing for just a moment, waiting for the other to pull away before kissing again, Zeb tilting his head to the side slightly to deepen the kiss, leaving Kallus lightheaded as he pushed Zeb into the snow, something that Zeb didn’t seem to mind despite how cold it must have been.

Distantly he was aware of the fact that Rex was wolf whistling at them and Chopper was beeping out something about Zeb not working but neither could bring themselves to care. Alex wrapped his arms around Zeb’s neck as they continued to kiss as Zeb snaked his arms around Kallus’s waist. He could keep kissing Zeb forever, but both unfortunately needed to breathe.

When they pulled apart far too soon for Kallus’s liking, Kallus pressed his forehead against Zeb’s as Zeb whispered, 

“I can’t believe I didn’t do that sooner.” Something about those words broke something in Kallus, and he found himself quickly dissolving into uncontrollable giggling fits as he peppered kisses all over Zeb’s face, Zeb himself joining in. Kallus couldn’t even begin to imagine how ridiculous they looked in that moment, two grown adults laying in the snow, laughing uncontrollably between frantic kisses but he couldn’t bring himself to care. He was in Zeb’s arms, Zeb knew he loved him and now he knew Zeb loved him in return. The rest of the galaxy could screw it. Kallus was content to keep laughing and kissing Zeb right there in the snow, but the universe seemed to have different plans. 

“ _Kallus!_ ” Dravens enraged voice roared across the airfield, Kallus freezing from his place on top of Zeb. 

“Here comes trouble…” Kallus nervously mumbled, Zeb suddenly sitting him, keeping his arms firmly wrapped around Kallus’s waist who let out a small yelp in surprise at the movement, finding himself straddling Zeb as they settled into the new position, arms still wrapped around Zeb’s neck. 

“My office, _now!_ ” 

“What’s stuck up his ass?” Zeb growled, possessively hugging Kallus closer, Kallus instinctively . wrapping his arms around Zeb’s neck a little tighter.

“Some uh...heated words were exchanged just before Hera crashed-” Kallus began, Zeb cutting him off with a horrified,

“How dare you!” as he pulled away slightly from Kallus, Kallus’s arms dropping to Zeb’s shoulders, much to his confusion. 

“What?”

“Hera does not crash!” Zeb indignantly cried, “She just lands with style.”

“Damn straight,” Hera called out from the top of the ramp, earning giggles from the pair that abruptly cut off with Dravens enraged, 

“Now Kallus!” 

“Better go before he gets even angrier,” Kallus mumbled as he awkwardly clammored to his feet, holding out a hand to help Zeb up who gratefully took it. “He might try to court marshal me.”

“Nah,” Zeb said, “Ya might get a good old verbal lashing but he can’t court mashial ya, we need ya too much.”

“Quit dawdling!”

“I hope you're right,” Alex mumbled as he started to pull away, only for Zeb to pull him back in, affectionately rubbing his cheek against Zeb’s, a deep and joyous purr escaping him as he did so.

“What-” Kallus began, confusion written across his face.

“I’ll explain later,” Zeb said as he pulled away. “Go.”

“Okay,” Kallus said, pecking Zeb’s cheek before jogging towards Draven, not even registering the fact that he didn’t feel quite so cold anymore, the ache in his leg practically non existent, until about halfway through Draven’s verbal lashing. 

His warmth was home again, nothing Draven said or did to him would change that. The ice had melted away and no storm could freeze him again so long as he had Zeb with him.


	2. Parting Ways

Repairs on the Ghost were taking far longer than expected, forcing them to spend longer hours in the icy air as they tried to fix the damage their last failed mission caused. By all accounts Zeb should have been miserable, grumpy and angry. In reality though Zeb had never been happier. Though they didn’t have much time to spend together, every moment the pair could steal away was spent in each other's arms, lazily kissing and talking about absolutely nothing, relishing in simply being able to be with one another. It wasn’t much, but for Zeb it was everything. 

He never thought Alex could ever see him the same way he saw him, Zeb was a Lasat and Alex was a human who served the xenophobic empire for years. Even if he didn’t agree with most of the Empire’s methods, that didn’t mean their hatred hadn’t affected him in some way. 

He never imagined Kallus’s hesitation came from his own fears of rejection. 

Zeb still couldn’t fathom the idea that Alex somehow thought he was unworthy of Zeb’s love and affection. Not after all he gave up to do what was right. Not after almost dying time and time again to save his family. He was a good man, a changed man. One Zeb was proud to call his boyfriend, damn whatever anyone else said or felt. With Kallus by his side, nothing could drag him down, not even freezing snow storms or the Empire. 

“How are the repairs coming?” Hera asked, snapping Zeb out of his thoughts, forcing him to focus back on the task at hand. 

“Just about done,” Zeb said, puffing out his chest in pride. It hadn’t been easy, but he’d done it. 

“Good,” Hera said. “Just in time too.”

“In time for what?” Zeb nervously asked, a part of him already knowing the answer but another praying he was wrong. 

“I’m sorry Zeb,” Hera said, seemingly reading his thoughts. “There are prisoners being transported for execution...some of our own are on that ship.”

“And they need the best ship and its pilot to go,” Zeb sighed, ears dropping. 

“Yes,” Hera agreed, agony spreading across her face. 

“Can Alex come with us?” Zeb hopefully asked. 

“I’m sorry,” Hera whispered, genuine regret in her eyes. “Alex is needed here, we need him decoding messages to warn us if the Empire has another Death Star-”

“I know,” Zeb interrupted. “I-I know….” No one wanted to believe the Empire could have another one of those horrific weapons at their disposal. But this was the Empire, and they had to be prepared for anything even another super weapon. Zeb just hated how often Alex and Zeb were apart. Every time Zeb went off on a mission, there was a chance he wouldn’t come back. He was more than willing to take the risk, the billions of lives they were trying to save were worth it. But, he feared what would happen to Alex if he didn’t come back. 

What if he went on some suicide mission in his grief? What if during an attack Alex carelessly sacrificed himself in an attempt to be reunited with his lost love? What if-

“Zeb,” Hera gently said. “Go. I’ll finish up here.” 

“Shouldn’t you be with Jacen?” Zeb asked. This mission was dangerous, she needed to be with Jacen, to spend every second she could with him-

“H-he’s sleeping right now,” Hera said, swallowing her tears. “I uh….I’ll see him when he wakes up...repairs should be done by then anyways. Go...you- you need to spend what time you can with Kallus, okay?” Zeb was grateful, more grateful than words could ever express. 

“Thanks Hera,” Zeb said, placing a hand on her shoulder and squeezing. Hera placed hers on top of Zeb’s and squeezed it back, flashing what he assumed was an attempt at a reassuring smile that they both knew was hollow. Zeb squeezed her shoulder one last time before walking down the ramp of the Ghost back to the base, praying Kallus wasn’t at his desk like he usually was. 

He should be done with his shift already, but when Draven was involved it was hard to say for sure. The man still hadn’t forgiven Alex for whatever it was he’d said to him during Zeb’s last mission. Whatever it was it had riled him up and left him taking every opportunity he could to make Alex’s living hell; changing his shifts just enough to ensure his and Zeb’s breaks never lined up, calling him for extra shifts just after Zeb got back from a mission after having just forced Alex to take a break when Zeb had left for a mission. 

Overall, Zeb was starting to wonder if Draven just hated the idea of Alex and Zeb darting, the thought made Zeb sick, but there wasn’t much that could be done about it besides going out of his way to have make out sessions in front of Draven whenever physically possible. Zeb smirked slightly at the thought, remembering his face when he walked in on Alex and Zeb who had been in the middle of a particularly heated make out session that had resulted in some shed clothes-

“-think you’re going?” Draven snapped, Zeb’s ears perking up at the sound of his enraged voice, a tone usually reserved for Alex.

“The Ghost is being assigned to go on another mission,” Alex icily replied, Zeb following the sound of his beloved’s voice through the other Rebels and into the intelligence center. “I have valuable intel that could assist them in their mission-”

“I decide what your assignments are captain,” Draven spat, saying the word ‘captain’ like it was the most vile thing Draven had ever tasted. Alex’s hands were balled up so tightly into fists his arms were shaking, rage radiating from his entire being, filling the air with its presence, taking over every other sense. Both were so focused on one another that neither registered Zeb’s presence in the room. 

“Need I remind you that I was the one who found the message regarding the transfer, the one who decoded the coordinates for the jump and found the schema-”

“Yes, yes everyone is aware of how wonderful you are at your job Kallus,” Draven snapped. “We’ve heard enough of your constant bragging-”

“You think this is about showing off?” Alex cried, his voice raising a pitch. “This is not about pride! This is about my boyfriend going on a dangerous mission that I would very much like to see return-”

“So you only care because its your friends-”

“That’s not what I meant and you know it-”

“I think I can safely speak for everyone in my crew when I say I think we all would like whatever information we can get to help us out,” Zeb said, catching both men’s attention. At the sound of Zeb’s voice, both men turned to face Zeb, Alex’s anger almost instantly melting away, leaving nothing but a tender and adoring smile on his face that he saved just for Zeb. As Alex’s rage melted away, Draven’s only peaked, his face twisting into a look of pure rage and hatred that could melt the ice around them. 

“What are you doing-” Draven roared as Zeb approached Alex, wrapping an arm around his waist, planting a tender kiss on his cheek. 

“It seems Alex here has some valuable intel for my upcoming mission,” Zeb icily said as Alex wrapped his arm around Zeb. “And I’m not sure why yer tryin’ to keep him from tellin’ us what he’s got.” Zeb took great pleasure in watching Draven’s eye twitch at Zeb’s words, clearly wanting to stop what was happening, but also knowing he couldn’t. Not with so many people watching them. If he tried to stop Alex he would look like a monster putting the lives of other Rebels in danger out of pride. 

“Besides, my shift ended some time ago so I believe I can leave now regardless of why I chose to,” Alex added, not even bothering to wait for Dravens response before turning and walking away, arm wrapped around Zeb. 

“Karabast,” Zeb breathed when they were far enough away from Draven that he wouldn’t be able to hear them, “That was pretty hot.”

“Oh really?” Alex purred with a raised eyebrow, and Zeb would be lying if he said that look didn’t do things to him. He wanted to drag him off to a hidden corner and kriff him until he didn't even know his own name. 

“Really,” Zeb growled, pushing Alex against the wall. “Not sure you’re hot enough to stave off the cold though.”

“You think so?” Alex asked with a smirk. “I think you did a pretty good job warming me up last night.”

“Maybe I’m feeling cold,” Zeb whispered, pressing his lips against Alex’s, still kissing Zeb, Kallus flipped them so he was pressing Zeb against the wall, pushing himself between Zeb’s legs. 

“Maybe I can warm you up,” Alex whispered against his lips, pushing him further against the ice wall, Zeb being pushed to sit in a section of the wall that jetted out some forming an almost seat. Karabast he was liking Alex taking control and completely dominating him. Just as suddenly as the passionate moment started, Alex suddenly pulled away, a deep frown on his face. 

“What’s wrong?” Zeb worriedly asked, reaching up to tenderly cup Alex’s face, stroking his cheek with his thumb as Alex looked at him with watery eyes. 

“You’re leaving again.” Alex whispered, Zeb’s ears dropping in response. 

“Yea…” Zeb sighed, “We have to go-”

“I-I know,” Alex whispered, turning away from Zeb, his hand dropping from Alex’s face to settle around his waist instead, Zeb pressing his forehead against Alex's temple. “I’m just scared….” Alex pulled away to look Zeb in the eye as tears slipped down his face. “the past few missions you’ve almost not come back- t-the Ghost is taking beating after beating and we don’t have the supplies to fully repair-”

“Hey hey,” Zeb whispered, tenderly cupping his face again. “We’ve worked under similar conditions before-”

“Not against the full might of the Empire!” Alex cried. “Not with half your crew gone!”

“Alex,” Zeb whispered, locking eyes with him, “You are my light, my life. I will always, always, come back home to you. Even if I have to tear through the entire Empire with my bare hands, I will come home.” Letting out a small whimper, Alex wrapped his arms around Zeb, burying his face in Zeb’s chest, trembling. Zeb could feel the tears soaking his jacket but refused to say anything about it. Alex was not one to let people see him get emotional, he knew Alex was embarrassed enough about the whole thing as it was. 

So instead, Zeb wrapped his arms around Alex, drawing him in closer, resting his chin on top of Alex’s, soothingly purring, trying to give him some comfort, glaring down anyone who dared even look in their direction for any reason. 

“Please,” Alex whispered, voice croaking, “Just come home.” Zeb knew he couldn’t promise anything, not in the middle of a war, not when they’ve lost so many already. Despite all of the reasons he knew he couldn’t keep his promise, Zeb found himself saying, 

“I swear I will, nothing could ever keep me from coming home to you.” Alex choked on a sob, pulling Zeb into a passionate kiss, pouring every ounce of love Alex had into the kiss that Zeb eagerly reciprocated, soothing and reassuring him. Zeb could feel the tears slipping down Alex’s face and maybe even some of his own were sliding down his face. 

Despite his reassuring words, deep down both knew the danger, knew he couldn’t truly promise he would make it home. Knew that there was a chance he wouldn’t.

There were briefings to be made and preparations to be done, but in that moment the only thing they could think about was one another, taking what little time they had left together and cherishing every second. When Alex pulled away, desperation and need in his eyes, Zeb didn’t even hesitate to take his hand and lead him back to Zeb’s quarters on base. He rarely stayed in them, having his own room on the Ghost, but tonight he knew they would need privacy. 

Despite the urgency that filled the air, the pair took their time tenderly undressing one another, peppering kisses across their naked bodies as Zeb laid Alex down on the small cot, watching as he prepared himself, keeping his eyes locked with Zeb’s as he grunted and moaned. 

Once Alex was ready, Zeb took his time entering Alex, relishing in the need filled moaned as he pushed deeper and deeper inside, pausing for a moment when he was fully sheathed to let Alex adjust before starting a slow rhythm, Alex panting beneath him, clenching his knees against Zeb’s sides as he tightly gripped Zeb’s shoulders, nails digging into his flesh.

Zeb’s nails dug into the mattress, the sheets ripping beneath him as Alex dragged his nails down his back, tears pooling in the corners of Alex’s eyes as Zeb’s rocking became more frantic, the mattress beneath them groaning with each deep thrust. 

Alex reached down to grab his own member, pumping with each thrust, head thrown, crying out in pleasure, Zeb roaring as he climaxed with one final deep thrust that brought Alex over the edge, screaming,

“Zeb!” at his release, Zeb collapsing on top of Alex, completely spent. It seemed that thankfully Alex did not mind his weight on top of him, wrapping his arms around Zeb, nuzzling his face against him, trembling as he clung onto him, their breaths mingling as their heartbeats slowed. 

“I love you,” Alex croaked, Zeb tenderly nuzzling his cheek against Alex’s before pulling away to kiss his lips. 

“I love you too.” Zeb whispered, rolling off of Alex so he could properly hold him, neither willing to part just yet, desperate to soak in every last second they could of each other's presence. They would soon need to clean up and start preparing Zeb for his mission, but for now, they would lay in each other's arms, basking in the afterglow of their lovemaking and cherish the moments they had left.


	3. Tense Goodbye's

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooooo uhhhh I lied that it would only be three chapters sorry not sorry ^^;

He needed to sleep, he had a long day ahead of him and he knew he would regret it later, but Alexsandr Kallus found he just couldn’t quiet his restless mind. Normally the sound of Zeb’s soft snores and the feeling of his warm body pressed against him would help him to quickly fall asleep. But not today. Today all he could thinking about was the fact that the man peacefully sleeping in his arms was about to go on a dangerous, potentially deadly, rescue mission. 

Taking a shaky breath, Kallus wrapped his arms around Zeb’s neck, holding him close, tucking his head under his chin. Zeb sleepily nuzzled his head into Kallu’s chest, letting out a sleepy purr, tightening his grip around Kallus’s waist. Kallus swallowed thickly, trying desperately to not start crying again. He’d spent too much time crying recently for his tastes. 

Emotionally, he knew recently he’d been completely spent, watching recruit after recruit go on a mission after spending weeks training them only for them to never return. Being responsible for so many deaths even when working for the Rebellion was weighing heavily on his mind. 

Was all he was capable of was killing people? Was he, at heart, a cold blooded killer? Was he about to be responsible for the death of the man he loved with every fiber of his being? 

He knew Zeb wouldn’t judge him for crying, but he also did not want to send Zeb off on his mission worrying about Kallus so he took a deep breath to try and calm himself as Zeb started stirring in his arms. Kallus reached up to start stroking Zeb’s ears, watching as they flicked between his fingers. Zeb let out a small meowl as he yawned, slowly blinking awake, breaking something deep inside of Kallus. 

Would he ever hear that wonderful sound come from Zeb when he woke up in the morning again? 

Kallus tried to tell himself he would, but all he could think about were the Rebels he sent out who didn’t like Cassian-

“...Lex?” Zeb sleepily asked, looking up at him with concern in his eyes. 

“Zeb-” Kallus whispered, Zeb’s only warning as the damn completely crumbled, letting out a broken sob, curling around Zeb, in a desperate attempt to try and protect him from the cruel and harsh galaxy.

“Oh Alex,” Zeb whispered, wrapping his arms around Alex’s waist, letting out a soothing purr. 

“I can’t lose you,” Kallus croaked. “Not like everyone else.”

“What do ya mean?” Zeb whispered, carefully sitting up, bringing Kallus with him to hug him close to his chest. “What’s goin’ on?”

“They keep dying,” Kallus croaked. “They keep dying after everything I do to help w-what if w-what if it’s not enough?” 

“Hey, hey,” Zeb soothingly said, running a hand through his hair. “You’ve given us everything you could. We’re tough though, we can take a few curveballs.”

“What if you can’t?” Kallus cried. “W-what if your luck-”

“Alex hey,” Zeb whispered. “Don’t go there, worryin’ won’t change anything-”

“How can I not worry?” Alex demanded, pulling away from Zeb. “I-I should be there with you putting my life on the line-”

“Hey, hey,” Zeb whispered, tenderly cupping his cheek with his much larger hand. “Is that what this is all about?”

“You dying?” Kallus shrieked. 

“No,” Zeb softly said, “Feeling like you need to pay still fer before.”

“If either of us were to die, it should be me,” Kallus firmly said. “Not you.”

“Neither of us should die,” Zeb declared. “We both deserve to have long and happy lives but the Empire-”

“I worked for the Empire, loyally for years Zeb!” Kallus cried. “I committed-”

“That’s not you anymore,” Zeb said. “Agent Kallus died on that ice moon. Alexsandr Kallus, an honorable, brave, and strong man left, that is the man I love and am proud to stand side by side with.” Kallus swallowed thickly, a new wave of tears streaming down his face. He was falling apart at the seams in Zeb’s arms, there wasn’t enough time to pull himself back together again. 

“We’re going to lose people,” Zeb whispered as he soothingly rubbed Alex’s back. “And…..I want to promise I’ll come home no matter what but….I know you know I can’t...but I will promise I will do everything I can to come home and avoid unnecessary risks.”

“You can’t even promise that and you and I both know that,” Kallus whispered, mind flashing back to the moment when Zeb threw himself into the reactor on Lothal in a desperate attempt to stop Ruhk. He was so certain he had lost Zeb for good in that horrible moment.

“You know me, never know when to give up,” Zeb softly said. 

“Never know when enough is enough,” Kallus whispered.

“Alex-”

“You need to get ready,” Kallus said, refusing to look at Zeb as he reluctantly pulled away from the warmth and comfort of his arms. 

“I can’t just leave with you upset like this,” Zeb said, grabbing Kallus’s hand, tightly squeezing it, 

“You don’t have a choice,” Kallus bitterly spat. 

“No-”

“Why can’t I be there with you?” Kallus demanded. “What if something happens a-and none of you come back-”

“Jacen will still have you-”

“Why do I have to be the one left behind? I-I just- I can’t-Jacen needs someone better than me-”

“There is no one better than you,” Zeb firmly said. “Jacen is lucky to have you as an uncle.”

“No he’s not! He should have his mom o-or you-” Zeb gently reached out to brush his hair off of his face, tenderly caressing his cheek with his fingers, Kallus leaning into the touch. He wanted this moment to last forever, for Zeb to never leave his arms. But he couldn’t, they had a war to fight, wars didn’t wait for anyone or anything. 

“You are not going to lose me-”

“Spectre two to spectre four do you copy?” Hera’s voice over the comm called out, Zeb wincing and pulled away, ears flat against his head. 

“Alex-”

“Go…” Kallus whispered, pulling away from Zeb. “They need you-”

“So do you.” Zeb whispered. 

“The Rebellion is more important than my feelings.” 

“No it’s not, not to me-”

“Spectre four do you copy?” Hera repeated, Zeb letting out a low growl. 

“Answer it,” Kallus whispered. “We can’t put this off forever.”

“Alex-”

“Spectre four we need to leave.” Hera interrupted, Zeb grabbing his com with a snarl. 

“I’m coming,” Zeb snapped. 

“Good,” Hera just as tensely said. For a moment, neither spoke before Zeb started to say,

“Will you-”

“Of course,” Kallus said. As much as he hated Zeb leaving, he would not miss seeing him off. No matter how much it would shatter his heart, he would be there. The pair was painfully silent as they got dressed, neither sure what they should say, with a million words stuck in between them. 

Kallus tried several times to say something to Zeb but the words refused to come out of his mouth. 

He could tell Zeb wanted to say something as well but was just as lost as he was. What could they say though at this point? See you later? There was no certainty in that. Goodbye? Kallus doubted he could say those words when they felt so final. Good luck? What if jinxed them? May the force be with you? No. It hadn’t been with them in a long time. The force laughed at them, took twisted joy in watching them try to build some sense of happiness only to cruelly slaughter it before their eyes-

“I...I...could I ask you a favor Alex?” Zeb softly asked as they reached the Ghost. 

“Of course, anything,” Alex softly said. 

“...this...this has been in my family for generations passed down from parent to child…” Zeb slowly began as he pulled something out from beneath his jumpsuit, pulling the cord over his head to reveal an intricately carved necklace with six beads on each side of a wooden charm. “This first charm was carved by one of my great relatives…..each bead is from one of their descendants carved before gifting it to their chosen mate- N-not that I’m suggesting that!” Zeb quickly added when he saw Alex’s terrified face. “I know it’s too soon for that but I-....this is important to me and I want to make sure it’s safe and there is no one I trust more than you to do that-”

“So you don’t think you’ll make it?” Kallus whispered. 

“No,” Zeb firmly said, taking his hand and placed it in it, closing Kallus’s fingers around it, Zeb continuing to cradle Kallus’s closed hand in his. “I want you to hold onto this as a promise that I will come back for this and, more importantly, come back to you. Promise me you will keep them both safe fer me to come back to.”

“I-” Kallus couldn’t figure out what to say in response to this declaration of trust and affection. Zeb was trusting him with probably the only thing he had left from Lasan. The only memory of his home and his life before the war destroyed it. Zeb trusted him with what was likely one of his most treasured items. “I don’t know what to say….”

“Just promise you’ll keep it safe.”

“I swear Zeb, I will protect this with my life.” Kallus whispered, placing his free hand on top of Zeb’s. “And when you get back I will personally be the one to give it to you.”

“I know,” Zeb said, leaning forward to rub his cheek against Kallus’s, a soft adorring purr rumbling from his chest. When he pulled away Kallus tenderly pecked his lips before returning the gesture. “I’ll be back soon.” Kallus knew it was insane to believe it, but it was all he had. 

He would not lose his new family. He refused to believe it, even for a second. 

“You better,” Kallus whispered as Jacen excitedly cried, 

“Uncle Alex! Momma says we’re gonna hang out!”

“Yes we are,” Kallus said with a warm smile, ruffling his hair affectionately as Jacen hugged his leg. “Just like before, why don’t you give your uncle Zeb a-uh….a goodbye hug.” Kallus swallowed thickly, trying to keep his voice cheerful. He didn’t need to scare Jacen. It would be fine. He just had to keep telling himself that and maybe it would be fine. As much as Kallus was terrified it wouldn’t, he could not let Jacen see his fears. He needed to be strong. 

Jacen, wonderfully oblivious to Kallus’s turmoil, happily skipped over to Zeb who happily swept him up into his large arms and hugged him close, a joyful purr rumbling from Zeb’s chest as he cuddled Jacen close. A small smile broke across Kallus’s face as he watched the pair, glancing down at the beautiful necklace in his hands. 

“Be good fer yer uncle okay?” Zeb asked as Kallus carefully placed the necklace around his neck, tucking it beneath his jacket.

“I will!” Jacen declared with a wide grin. 

“Good lad!” Zeb said, nuzzling his cheek against Jacen’s, earning an excited squeal from him. 

“Tickles!” A deep rumbling laugh escaped Zeb as he set Jacen down who happily rejoined Kallus, reaching for his hand which Kallus tenderly took. Zeb gently took Kallus’s free hand in his own, squeezing it as he leaned down to kiss Kallus’s forehead. 

“Stay safe,” Kallus whispered. 

“You too,” Zeb replied, taking a moment to peck his lips before rubbing his cheek against Kallus’s again. “I love you so much.” 

“I love you too,” Kallus mumbled, swallowing thickly, refusing to cry, not in front of Jacen. Reluctantly, Zeb released his hand, slowly walking back to the Ghost where Hera was mercifully very patiently waiting. 

Once Zeb reached the top of the ramp, both turned to face the pair waiting below, solemnly waving with barely contained tears in their eyes. Kallus squeezed Jacen’s hand as the ramp closed, cutting off their view of the pair. 

Despite the extreme and miserable cold, they both remained outside until the Ghost had taken off and was long out of site. 

“When will mama come back?” Jacen softly asked, looking up at Kallus with wide and fearful eyes. 

“The second she can come back she will,” Was all Kallus could manage to say. 

“...oh….” Jacen mumbled, staring down at the snow, the sight breaking Kallus’s heart. 

“Hey….how about we go and bake some cookies?” Kallus asked. 

“Really?” Jacen asked, immediately perking up at the thought of sweets. 

“Of course,” Kallus said. “What your mom doesn’t know won’t hurt you.” 

“Okay!” Jacen eagerly said, tugging on on his hand, eagerly bringing him back into the base. 

Kallus warmly chuckled as Jacen eagerly led him to the galley, happily prattling away. No matter how hard it would be, Kallus would do everything in his power to protect Jacen’s joy and innocence, even if it destroyed him in the process.


End file.
